How we can raise girls who like themselves

The book’s subtitle – in a world that tells them they’re flawed – has defined the crux of the issue and Edwards and Scanlon divide these into seven characteristics of girls who like themselves, which they unpack in detail.

They offer handy tips and strategies, often with anecdotes of how they’ve implemented this approach with their daughters, making it relatable (there’s also a convenient ‘Action for Dads’ section at the end of each chapter).

Here are two examples:

Parenting can feel like a never-ending to-do list. There is always something extra you feel you should be doing to maximise your daughter’s potential. The good news is that you can opt out of some of it.

‘When it comes to the pursuit of extracurricular activities and “learning opportunities”, parental anxieties run deep,’ write Edwards and Scanlon.  ‘It’s not unusual for girls to do lessons such as ballet, martial arts, gymnastics, academic tutoring, athletics, tennis, piano, basket­ball, drama or violin, with something on every afternoon after school or preschool.’

They offer parents a practical way off the parenting hamster wheel, suggesting that extracurricular activities and ‘learning opportunities’ don’t have to control family life.

Rather than turning daughters (and parents) into exhausted, anxious balls of stress, they give parents permission to ‘opt out’, suggesting a less is more approach for a calm and confident daughter.

This approach echoes that of Brené Brown in Daring Greatly who values both ‘rest and play’ as part of her parenting manifesto.

If people are always talking about how pretty a girl is, it’s only natural for her to assume that beauty is really important.

Similarly, as Amanda Dunn writes in The New Puberty saying to a girl, ‘Don’t you look pretty’ reinforces the idea that there is value placed on how attractive someone is.

The seemingly harmless compliments are well-intentioned, these remarks can make up the majority of what a girl hears about herself.

So how should we talk to girls? The simplified answer – like we do boys. Comment on what they are doing in the moment or remark on something in your surroundings. With a little practice, you can move away from appearance-related comments.

The authors don’t expect this to be a one-size-fits-all approach; rather, they work from a ‘good-enough parent’ perspective, advising readers to take on board what may work for their ‘imperfect’ families and leave the rest – a refreshing piece of advice.

Raising Girls gives parents of daughters some helpful tools to support their children (and yes, many of the suggestions can be applied to our boys, too) in a toxic world. Our girls are seeing messages all day telling them how to act, dress, eat and ‘be’ – telling them they are ‘flawed’.

Girls who instead harness their self-confidence; self-belief; body confidence and autonomy; are calm, independent; have strong relationships; and take comfort in being themselves will, hopefully, not only like themselves, but become emboldened and drive social change.

Books like these are a move in the right direction for parents to feel empowered to step away from so-called expected behaviours, and stop enforcing the idea that our girls’ value is measured by how other people see her.

Raising Girls Who Like Themselves, in a world that tells them they’re flawed is published by Penguin Life and retails for $34.99.

Like this post? Share using the buttons on this page.